so, i told my papa

about this site (hi dad!) and these plans.  and for the first time since i started talking about this he was really supportive.  thanks dad, herbal it means a lot to know you like this idea.  i just hope that the ovum and the sperm work well enough to create a little harriet or harry.  oh what a happy day that would be, to meet baby and for you to have a little name sake.  if he or she were to get from me all that is you in me and if those were to be the dominating characteristics of baby i would be super happy.  okay, minus the hard headedness, yes, i could do with a child that would be a little less stubborn than you, i, and al.

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and i’ve gotten some great advice and more counting my ovum before they are fertilized..

from the same woman i’ve connected with from the ch. mom’s list.  i’m ever so grateful for her advice!  i hope i can make this happen, refractionist really and truly.   why?  because i’ve already counted my ovum before i’ve even tried to fertilize them!

in my thinking about baby, side effects i’ve done things like decide i’ll go with cloth diapers, and even go further to choose the particular cloth diapers i want to use.  (these because i’m really really lazy)  why cloth?  because i know i’ll save money in the long run and the environmental effects of disposables make me cringe.  i don’t judge others who use the disposables, but i just don’t want to do it myself.  and these particular ones - well, because i know that having a baby use the same set over a course of their diaperinghood will save money too.

and i’ve looked at portable washing machines, because i don’t have one, nor do i have a hook up in my apartment.  i don’t think i’ll need a dryer because i live in the desert and things dry crazy fast here!  i’ve got 2 lines up in my house and with the apt needing to be warmer for baby, things will dry that much faster.

AND i’ve asked a friend “can i borrow this or that” if (when) baby comes?  as long as she doesn’t have her own she said that i could.

AND this weekend i’m meeting with my pastor (pastor p, or just p, he’ll probably show up here again - he and i have been meeting regularly since i showed up at his church last june) and i’ll tell him that i’m planning to start ttc-ing soon.  God willing i’ll still be here in logan when baby comes - pastor p will baptize this baby and that is a moment i can’t wait to see.  he baptized me in january, and i’ve seen him baptize babies.. when he baptizes babies he’s like a kid in a candy store, so very happy.  i would be so honored if p could baptize my child - it would just mean so much for p to baptize baby because i just think so highly of him (and he baptized me, that added bonus!).  *sigh*

see? counting the ovum before i’ve even tried to fertilize them.  and though i know this will be the most difficult thing i’ve ever done, the idea of seeing and smelling MY baby with a big ol’ diaperbutt that i have to clean, the idea of seeing my baby being walked through my congregation after being baptized, the idea of going through all that mothers go through, well, it just thrills me to no end.  the hard times and the happy times.  time for this kind of trial and i can’t wait.  because i also know that i will spend hours staring at this being that i got to create.  i can’t wait to experience all that.

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i’m here.

i’ve got, neurologist in front of me, hemorrhoids registration forms from pacific reproduction services.  last year i started this process, but i got side lined by a lot of things.  this year i’m serious.  i have an appointment for a physical in a couple of weeks.  i have no idea how much of this process i intend to document, but if i decide to document a lot of it, this space is here, if i decide to document just a little, this space is still here.

and yes i’m just this stupid to be doing this in an economy like this.  but i’m 36.

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